I Lost Myself in Motherhood… But Found Someone Even Better

Motherhood has a way of completely rearranging your world. The day I held my baby for the first time, I realized I would never, ever be the same. And that was both exhilarating and…well, terrifying. In that moment, it felt like I’d crossed a threshold into an entirely new realm, one where I was connected to something so much larger than myself. Holding that tiny life in my arms was like catching a glimpse of the divine.

Of course, motherhood isn’t just about the cuddles and sweet coos. Biologically, our hormones shift, our brains rewire, and our bodies adapt to care for these helpless little beings. Spiritually, it’s as though you’ve been handed a new script for living—one that cracks you wide open and forces you to see the world through fresh eyes. It’s mesmerizing and all-consuming.

And amid this beauty, the practical side of motherhood looms large. The laundry piles up, the dishes never seem to end, and the nights feel like a never-ending loop of feedings, changings, and minimal sleep. I found myself getting lost in the mundane tasks, buried under the weight of chores and expectations. It felt like I was vanishing piece by piece.

Society often tells us to “bounce back” or return to our old selves as quickly as possible, as if the best measure of success is emerging from motherhood unchanged. We twist ourselves into knots trying to be who we were before, only to find that version of us no longer fits.

And you know what? That shit is EXHAUSTING. It’s also impossible….and pretty stupid if you think about it.

I lost myself completely in motherhood… and it was, hands down, one of the best things that ever happened to me.

The Magic of Letting Go

Instead of clinging to my old identity, I made the conscious choice to let motherhood reshape me. I allowed myself to be transformed in the midst of:

• Those late-night nursing sessions where it was just me, my baby, and the moonlight sneaking in through the curtains.
• The nerve-wracking car rides with a baby screaming at full volume in the back seat.
• The third outfit change of the day, my sweatshirt stained with spit-up, my hair a messy bun I barely recognized.

Somewhere in the middle of all that chaos, I found myself becoming someone new. I let go of the image of who I was supposed to be and embraced the person I was becoming. It was liberating, and to my surprise, I liked this new me—imperfections, spit-up stains, and all.

This fresh version of me was more patient and more anchored. I discovered joy in the chaos and a sense of purpose in the routine tasks that once felt like chores. My life took on a richness I never anticipated.

How I’m Re-Discovering & Re-Creating Myself in Motherhood (Because It’s Always a Work in Progress)

Reinventing myself didn’t happen in one grand gesture…and it’s not like it’s a one and done deal. I’m still evolving, and growing, and striving to be that next version of me. But so far, what’s worked beautifully for me has come from small, daily choices that allow me to evolve at my own pace. Here’s what’s helped me the most:

1. Journaling: Writing My Way to Clarity

Every day, I try to carve out a few minutes—sometimes literally just five—to write. Some days I poured out my frustrations about losing who I thought I was. Other days I dreamed about who I could become. Bit by bit, I realized I didn’t want to revert to my pre-mom self. I wanted to grow into someone who could hold both my motherhood and my individuality in the same breath.

Journaling has helped me intentionally choose the thoughts I want to believe about myself and my life. And to truly realize that the story I tell myself matters—because our thoughts shape how we feel and how we show up every day.

2. Routines That Offer Stability—Not Rigidity

No two days look exactly alike in motherhood. A simple morning ritual, a loose meal plan, or a short tidy-up at night give me touchpoints of calm. Routines don’t just help me stay organized; they created mental space for me to focus on the things that actually mattered.

I 100% see routines not as boxes to check but as anchors. They turn the chaos into something manageable and give me more energy and clarity to be present with my family—and myself.

3. Including My Little One in…..Well, Everything

I once believed I needed pure “me time” to do anything for myself. But motherhood taught me that sometimes it’s more fulfilling—and surprisingly more fun—to share the experience. Holding my baby while folding laundry, letting my toddler “help” with the dishes, journaling while they scribble with crayons beside me—those little compromises added a layer of warmth to everyday tasks. 

Sure, it slowed me down, but it also opened my eyes to how much joy can be found in the mess. And allowed me to get more stuff done without feeling like I needed to squeeze it ALL in during naptime.

4. Romanticizing the Mundane

This one was a game-changer. I decided I didn’t have to go along with the narrative that motherhood is always exhausting and overwhelming. I could admit when it was hard, yes, but I could also actively choose to see the magic in the mundane.

Washing tiny socks? A chance to marvel at how quickly my baby was growing. Late-night feedings? A quiet moment of connection in a world that never seems to slow down. By romanticizing the little things, I continue to find  joy in places I never expected.

5. Letting Go of Perfection

The final piece was giving myself permission to release the unrealistic expectations I’d placed on myself. Some days I thrived; other days, I barely got by—and that was okay. I choose to focus on progress, not perfection, and give myself grace for the messy middle.

Why Mindset + Routines Matter So Much As A Mom

Here’s the thing: rebuilding yourself in motherhood isn’t just about adding a few habits or checking off self-care boxes. It’s about shifting the way you think about your life and intentionally creating the person you want to become.

Mindset is the missing ingredient that makes routines stick. When you intentionally choose thoughts that align with the mom you want to be, everything else—your actions, your habits, your routines—begins to flow with less resistance. You’re no longer forcing yourself to "do better." You’re simply being the version of you that already embodies those habits.

Routines and mindset work together like magic. The routines create structure, helping you handle the day-to-day with ease. The mindset shifts create intention, helping you enjoy it. Together, they give you the tools to feel like the mom who has her shit together (even when life is messy).

What If You Let Motherhood Transform You?

If you’re reading this and feeling like you’ve lost yourself somewhere in the mountains of laundry and endless “to-dos,” take heart: you’re not broken. You’re evolving. This is your chance to shed what no longer fits and step into someone even better.

Motherhood didn’t just change me—it created me. And it can do the same for you. You have the power to intentionally design the mom you want to be. All it takes is a shift in mindset, a few small habits, and a willingness to let go of the old to make space for the new.

Want to get started? Grab my THAT Mom Clarity Calculator to help you get crystal clear on who you’re becoming and the habits and routines that will help you get there. It’s time to stop just surviving and start thriving.

Click here to download your free THAT Mom Clarity Calculator today—and take the first step toward creating the mom life (and self!) you’ve been dreaming of. And know that I’m always right there with you!