Stop Complaining About the Mental Load of Motherhood—Do THIS Instead

Moms, it’s time to stop complaining about carrying the mental load of motherhood. Yeah, you read that right—let’s talk about it.

We all know the mental load is heavy, frustrating, and downright unfair at times. It’s easy to get stuck in resentment, wishing someone else would step up or that the weight wasn’t always on your shoulders. But here’s the hard truth: wishing and complaining won’t make the load any lighter. If anything, it just makes it harder to bear.

Instead, what if you could transform the way you carry it? What if, instead of feeling stuck in overwhelm and frustration, you felt lighter, more in control, and even—dare I say it—empowered? This isn’t about ignoring the challenges or pretending the mental load doesn’t exist. It’s about taking your energy back, focusing on what you can control, and showing up as the mom and woman you want to be.

Sound impossible? It’s not—and I’ll show you how. Let’s dive in.

What Exactly Is the Mental Load of Motherhood?

The mental load. Every mom on the planet knows about the mental load all too well. You know, the invisible weight we carry to keep our families’ lives running smoothly. It’s not just the big, obvious things like keeping track of everyone’s schedules, planning meals, and managing an endless cycle of laundry and dishes.

Nope, it’s also the smaller, less obvious details that add up and keep our minds constantly buzzing—things like:

Keeping track of everyone’s schedules and commitments 🗓️
Planning and preparing meals that the family will actually eat 🥘
Trying to keep a tidy home while juggling endless laundry and dishes 🏡
Noticing when the kids' clothes are getting snug and it’s time to size up 🧦
Remembering your mother-in-law’s birthday and picking up the perfect card 🎂
Packing all the snacks, extra clothes, toys, and a bajillion other things every time you leave the house 🎒

It’s not just about doing these tasks—it’s about holding all of the responsibility in your mind. The constant planning, anticipating, and problem-solving can feel overwhelming, especially when it seems like there’s no off switch.

Why the Mental Load Feels So Heavy

The mental load isn’t just about physical tasks—it’s about the emotional and cognitive labor that goes into keeping your family’s world running smoothly. It’s the invisible weight of remembering everything, anticipating everyone’s needs, and being the default decision-maker. For many moms, it means always being “on,” even during moments that should feel restful or carefree.

This is why it can feel so heavy. When we’re juggling so many responsibilities and it seems like we’re carrying it all alone, it’s easy to feel:

Overwhelmed by the never-ending to-do list
Resentful that no one seems to notice how much we do
Burnt out from trying to hold it all together

And while we love our families deeply, the weight of it all can leave us drained and wondering how we’ll keep going.

But Do Moms Really Carry It All Alone?

Before we go any further, I do think it’s important to touch on something first. It might feel like we’re doing it all sometimes, but let’s take a moment to acknowledge something important: we’re not in this completely alone.

For many of us, our partners, families, and support systems play meaningful roles in keeping life running smoothly. Whether it’s a partner working hard to provide, a grandparent stepping in to help with childcare, or even a friend checking in, those contributions matter. They’re part of the picture, and we can deeply appreciate those efforts without downplaying the reality of our own load.

Because here’s the thing: even with support, it’s a nearly universal truth that moms carry the bulk of the mental load. We’re often the ones noticing, planning, remembering, and anticipating—not because others don’t care, but because this has become a deeply ingrained part of motherhood in so many cultures. It’s not about blaming anyone. It’s about recognizing that, for better or worse, the mental load tends to fall most heavily on moms.

Is It Fair That Moms Carry the Mental Load?

It’s a question so many moms wrestle with: Why is this all on me?

Is it fair that we shoulder so much of the mental and emotional labor for our families? Maybe not. Should things be different? Perhaps. But the truth is, feeling frustrated or complaining about the situation doesn’t change it—and often, it just leaves us feeling even more drained.

When you’re carrying so much, it’s easy to spiral into thoughts like:

Why doesn’t my partner notice what needs to be done?

Why am I the only one who thinks ahead about this stuff?

If only they helped more, I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed.

These thoughts are valid—your feelings of frustration, exhaustion, and even resentment are completely normal. But they don’t solve the problem. In fact, staying stuck in this mindset can make the weight feel even heavier.

You might be thinking, Okay, great, but what am I supposed to do with all this? Just suck it up and deal with the unfairness? How am I supposed to manage this mental load when it feels so overwhelming and imbalanced? The good news is, you don’t have to stay stuck in that frustration. There’s a way to handle the weight without letting it crush you—and it starts with choosing a path forward.

How to Handle the Mental Overload of Motherhood

Okay, mama, here’s the truth: when that mental load gets too heavy and everything starts to feel like too much, you’ve got two paths you can take. The first is the path that keeps you stuck in the cycle of overwhelm, frustration, and exhaustion. The second is the path where you take control, redirect your energy, and reclaim your peace.

Let’s talk about these paths.

The Path of Energy Drain

This is the road where you waste energy on things that aren’t serving you. It looks like:

Feeling sorry for yourself and sinking into the “why me” mindset.

Resenting your partner (even if they’re doing their best).

Getting lost in thought loops about how unfair everything feels.

Comparing your life to others’ and wishing your partner was more like that one friend’s husband.

Daydreaming about what life would look like if everything was magically easier.

Sounds pretty exhausting, right? That’s because it is. This path drains your energy, leaving you feeling even more depleted. And honestly, it doesn’t do a thing to solve the problem. In fact, it only keeps you spinning your wheels, feeling stuck in the same old frustration.

The Path of Energy Investment

The second path—the one that leads to true empowerment—is where you make a conscious choice to invest in yourself. I know, it sounds a little woo-woo at first, but hear me out:

When you focus on refilling your own cup and prioritizing your energy, you’re better equipped to handle everything on your plate.

This path looks like:

Building physical energy to meet the demands of motherhood.

Supporting your mind and body to be balanced, healthy, and energetic.

Quieting mental chatter so you’re not always feeling like you’re on high alert.

Managing your emotions intentionally so you’re not constantly reacting out of overwhelm.

Filling your own cup with self-care, rest, and activities that bring you joy.

Streamlining your life by creating systems that make things feel more peaceful and efficient.

Growing into the best version of yourself—the mom and woman you want to be.

This isn’t about turning off the responsibilities of motherhood or pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about shifting your focus from external frustrations to internal empowerment. It might sound simple, but making this choice to invest in you has the power to transform your experience of motherhood.

When you feel balanced, supported, and energized, everything else becomes more manageable. And the weight of the mental load? It starts to feel lighter because you’ve become stronger, more resilient, and more capable.

The Benefits of Investing in Yourself as a Mom

You may not be able to change the load you carry as a mom, but you can change how you show up to carry it. When you funnel the energy you’ve spent feeling resentful, wishing things were different, comparing yourself, or worrying about what others think into intentionally taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being, the transformation is remarkable.

Here’s what happens when you invest in you:

You’ll feel lighter and more joyful. That constant heaviness and overwhelm? It begins to lift as you shift your focus to the things that actually fuel you.

You’ll show up with more presence and patience. Instead of snapping at your kids or zoning out when they’re talking to you, you’ll feel calmer and more connected in the moment.

You’ll feel better in your body. More energy, clearer thinking, and a sense of vitality replace the sluggishness that comes with neglecting yourself.

You’ll free up mental space and focus. With less energy spent on unproductive worry or comparison, you’ll find the clarity to finally start that side hustle, pick up the book you’ve been meaning to read, or reconnect with an old friend.

You’ll handle challenges with more grace. The next time your child throws a tantrum or someone makes a snide comment, you’ll be more grounded and less reactive.

You’ll feel more confident in yourself. As you reconnect with your gut and intuition, you’ll start trusting your path and choices—even when they look different from others.

You’ll find yourself again. The woman who’s more than just a mom. The woman with dreams, passions, and a spark that lights up her life and the lives of those around her.

When you focus on taking care of yourself, it’s not just about adding bubble baths or the occasional pedicure to your to-do list (though those are wonderful and have their place). True self-care takes intentional effort and a commitment to shifting where your energy goes. So, the next time you catch yourself spiraling into resentment, comparison, or worry, ask: How can I redirect this energy into something that fuels me?

It’s not always easy, but the more you practice, the more natural it becomes—and the more you’ll start to feel like the mom and woman you’ve always known you were meant to be.

For all moms, this kind of intentional investment is life-changing. But if you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), it’s not just important—it’s non-negotiable.

What Does It Mean to Be a Highly Sensitive Person?

If you’ve ever felt like you experience the world more intensely than those around you—whether it’s being deeply moved by music, easily overwhelmed in loud or chaotic environments, or extra sensitive to your child’s emotions—you might be a highly sensitive person (HSP).

Being an HSP isn’t a weakness; it’s a personality trait that means your nervous system is more attuned to stimuli, both external (like noise or light) and internal (like emotions). Around 15–20% of the population falls on this end of the sensitivity spectrum, and while it comes with incredible strengths—like empathy, creativity, and intuition—it also comes with unique challenges, especially in motherhood.

Why Motherhood Can Be More Demanding for HSPs

Motherhood is inherently intense, but for an HSP, it can feel even more overwhelming. You’re likely to notice every little detail, absorb the emotions of your children and partner, and feel overstimulated by the constant noise, demands, and unpredictability of family life.

This heightened sensitivity can make you an incredible mom—you’re deeply in tune with your family’s needs and emotions. But it can also drain your energy faster than others and make it harder to recover from stress. That’s why investing in yourself isn’t just beneficial—it’s essential. By plugging energy leaks and intentionally replenishing your mental, emotional, and physical reserves, you can turn your sensitivity into a superpower rather than a struggle.

Whether you’re a highly sensitive mom or not, it’s super important to learn how to start focusing on YOU and channeling your energy into things that fuel and restore you instead of feeling stuck in overwhelm. So let’s dive into some practical strategies.

How to Boost Your Energy and Thrive as a Mom

Building energy as a mom isn’t about working harder; it’s about working smarter—and taking care of your body and mind so you can handle all the demands that come with motherhood.

Here are some ways you can increase your energy in a more sustainable way:

Choose more intentional thoughts: Instead of letting negative thoughts take over, challenge yourself to shift your mindset. For example, if you're thinking, “I’m so exhausted, I can’t do this,” try replacing it with, “I may be tired, but I’m doing the best I can, and I’m strong enough to handle today.” Reframing your thoughts helps change your emotional state.
Fuel your body intentionally: Planning meals ahead of time isn’t just a time-saver; it’s an energy-saver. When you’re stressed or running on empty, you’re more likely to reach for another cup of coffee or snack on something sugary. But taking a few minutes to plan your meals and snacks can make a huge difference in how you feel. Healthy food choices fuel your body for sustained energy throughout the day.
Take intentional breaks: It’s easy to fall into the trap of “I’ll just get this one more thing done” until you’re completely burnt out. Instead, take quick 5-minute breaks. Use that time to do something that replenishes you—a quick walk, breathing exercises, or listening to an energizing playlist.

Focusing on these small changes can make a big impact on your energy levels, helping you show up with more vitality and enthusiasm every day.

Ways to Calm Your Mind and Manage Emotions as a Busy Mom

Motherhood often brings up a whirlwind of emotions—stress, frustration, joy, love—and it can feel impossible to calm your mind when you're constantly pulled in a million directions. But when you invest in emotional balance, you’ll not only navigate the chaos better, you’ll also feel more centered and capable of handling what life throws your way.

Here are a few ways to help you regain emotional balance and quiet your mind:

Practice mindfulness: Instead of scrolling on your phone when you're overwhelmed, try taking 5 minutes for a guided meditation or simply focus on your breath. Mindfulness helps calm the nervous system, allowing you to reset and step back into the moment without all the mental clutter.
Create space for your emotions: It’s okay to feel stressed or upset. Don’t brush those emotions under the rug. Allow yourself to feel them, and then decide how you can respond in a way that helps you move forward. Journaling, talking with a friend, or simply sitting in silence for a few minutes can be incredibly helpful.
Set emotional boundaries: This can be a game-changer. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting people out; it means giving yourself permission to say “no” when you need to, so that you protect your emotional space and energy. You’re not obligated to be everything for everyone.

When you take time to prioritize your emotional health, you’ll feel more at peace with yourself and your role as a mom.

Simple Systems to Make Motherhood Easier

Having systems in place isn’t about being perfect, it’s about having structure that makes daily life a bit easier to navigate. The more you simplify and organize, the more mental space you have for what truly matters. It’s about setting yourself up for success—and making motherhood feel a little less chaotic.

Here are a few systems to consider:

Create a family calendar: Keep everything organized in one place. You don’t need to be a scheduling expert; just having one shared calendar where everyone’s activities and commitments are listed can help reduce the mental load.
Meal prep: This doesn’t have to be an all-day affair. Even just prepping snacks or chopping veggies ahead of time can make mealtimes smoother and save you mental energy.
Declutter regularly: A cluttered home can equal a cluttered mind. Spending just 10 minutes a day tidying up or organizing one area of your home can help maintain some peace amidst the chaos.
Use routines: Whether it’s a morning routine to get you started on the right foot or a bedtime routine to calm your kiddos (and yourself), routines reduce the guesswork and give you a sense of control over your day.

By implementing simple, sustainable systems, you’ll make life easier on yourself and your family—and create more mental space to focus on what really matters.

Investing in yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. When you take time to prioritize your health, your energy, and your emotional well-being, you’ll feel more empowered to carry the mental load and thrive as a mom.

Ready to Break the Cycle of Complaining and Feel Lighter, Calmer, and More in Control?

You’ve made it this far, mama, and I hope this conversation has sparked something in you—a glimmer of what’s possible when you start intentionally prioritizing yourself.

Being a mom is never easy, and when you’re a highly sensitive person, the challenges can sometimes feel like too much. But here’s the truth: when you take small but meaningful steps to invest in your well-being, you can transform not only how you feel but how you show up for yourself and your family.

The overwhelm doesn’t have to win. The cycle of exhaustion and resentment doesn’t have to define your days. You have the power to reclaim your energy, joy, and sense of self—and it starts with creating habits that build a strong foundation for your mental, emotional, and physical health.

If this resonates with you, I’ve created something to help you get started: 5 Essential Habits for HSP Moms to Thrive. This free guide is designed to help you feel calmer, more energized, and more grounded—even when life throws you curveballs. These habits will help you feel less reactive, more resilient, and more aligned with the mom and woman you know you’re meant to be.

Ready to take that first step? Click here to grab your free guide and start transforming how you feel and how you show up every single day.